Recently, I came into a bit of money. Nothing to buy a house with. But a couple extra thousand dollars. In my excitement, I mentioned it to my mother. Bad move. The money will take a minute to get into my hands. Not only did she broadcast it to every family member stateside, for the last few weeks, the mother has been hinting around. Telling me about how close she is to paying off her car, what she needs, making suggestions about what I should buy her and my brother for their birthdays. Things, mind you, she would never suggest had she not know about my minor windfall.

She's using stories about other people to sugges I should give her a large chunk of my loot. This annoys me a lot. I hate when people talk AT me. In fact, I know what they're trying to say but make a conscious effort to ignore it. If they don't have the balls to come out and say it, they don't really mean it right?

First of all, it's not that much money and I have student loans and back taxes to pay! Not to mention replenishing my saving. Am I being selfish? I worked very hard to get this extra money and I have been for years paying this bill or the other for her. She likes to wait until it's down to the wire to ask. Like one time, she called me with the phone company on the phone to "Use my card to pay her bill." She promised to pay it back but I never even mentioned it.

My mother says ridiculous stuff like, "I'm gonna get so-and-so to put my car on their insurance because it will be so much cheaper than what I'm paying in the city." What? WTF kinda craziness is that? Then she got mad with me when I told her she should ask before she goes assuming anyone is doing anything for her. "Well so-and-so did it for Joe Blow." Uh, so what! It doesn't mean so-and-so is going to do it for you nor does it mean so-and-so is obligated to do anything for you.

I'm not all that passionate about it because it happened a week ago but this conversation turned ugly. She had the nerve to tell me how much I made (which was an assumption because I know better than to ever tell her how much money I make) and that I could afford to be doing X, Y, and Z and how she paid for me to go to college and blah, blah, blah. I tried to be nice. Really I did. See the thing is, many parents don't really know how much college costs. What she paid was the little bit that scholarships, grants, and Katie Thomas didn't pay. I am greatful. But, her money was a drop in the hat. I hit her with that and told her just how much money I pay monthly for student loans. She shut the fuggup on that note!

But really y'all where does she get off?

My father and my  step-father, they don't ask me for shyt. In fact, my dad has sent me money just because. I'm really pulling for her and my step-father to officially get back together. He would never do such a thing to me and wouldn't allow her to do it either.

See Tracie, you aren't the only daughter whose mother plucks her nerves.

Do you ever get a HUGE undescribable empty feeling that gets right into your bones and to the very center of your being? An intense feeling of sadness and sorry-ness for oneself. A feeling that life is so totally meaningless and you feel like no one really truely loves you ( even though you know the people close to you say they do ) and the life you've been living is just a total joke.

 Do you ever get the urge to curl up into a ball and cry your eyes out; maybe in the arms of someone, anyone who has arms big enough to wrap around you and block out the lights at the same time. A feeling that no matter how happy things may seem on the outside, it really is all just an effort to face life the correct way, and nothing is really what it seems and nothing will ever be what you want it to be. But you tell yourself you have to be strong because it's the right thing to do and it isn't all as bad as your mind is making it out to be. Then you try and convince yourself that there is so much to be thankful for, and you try very hard to believe it, but all you want to do is curl up into a ball into the arms of someone big enough who will block out all the lights and let you cry for as along as you want.

 Into the arms of someone who understands, without any words spoken, and who will make you feel like you are the most important, beautiful, clever, sexy, kind, amazing person who has come into their life. Have you ever had that feeling?